To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: you may have a homo for a boyfriend? Dear Cathie, What the hell? You look like a decent looking girl. Dont you have any pride for yourself? What kind of dork losers are you hanging out with? You need to fing yourself a real man, one that doesn't try to act black when he is as white as the snow. I read some of the material you guys have on the internet and I was bored out of my mind. What the hell are doing with your lives? Hello, time to wake up.....stop dreaming. Tell your friends they are a bunch of fucking idiots.
Dear FatAss Lover,
Cathie dismissed your insecure, pathetic sniveling with a mere disgusted shake of her head. It would have been your lucky day, but she forwarded your note to the remainder of the cast-and-crew. The rest of us aren't always so pleasant and forgiving.
Let's get a few things straight, Jeffrey:
It must really suck to be you...
For the future, keep your fingers off the keyboard- they'll strand you in a shitstorm. When you're messing with the likes of net wizards such as J.P. and D-Nice, you're asking for trouble. These guys can do things to mailer daemons you can't even imagine, pissboy. Keep one hand on the mouse and the other on your sorry, callused pudendum, and you'll probably make it to your graduation in about seven years without a nervous breakdown.
Go log onto a MUD or whatever it is socially maladjusted turds like you do these days... It's the weekend, and we've got better things to do.
You're dismissed, crouton. Crawl back to your concrete dorm room with your tail between your legs and don't come out until we tell you to!
P.S. - If any of our fans in Indianapolis get a chance, stop by to visit FatAss Lover or give him a call. He sure sounds like he could use some advice. With 13K unique hosts accessing us every week, we must have some friends near the Motor Speedway.